Hello world,
It was 1 month ago today that I got a very faint positive pregnancy test. It was 1 month ago that I emailed one of my besties and said "its so faint i sort of wonder if its going to stay put but we will see, hope so!" and told another of my besties that the test didn't look right.
I feel pretty good now all in all. The grieving is over, I can think about it without crying. I laugh and feel happy again. Of course I'm still sad inside about the baby I never got to have. When friends put up pics of their gorgeous bumps and breathtaking new born babies I feel an ache and sometimes shed a tear. I feel a lot of anger towards women complaining about how hard being pregnant is when I know that the alternative is so much harder and would give anything to trade them places. I think it will always be that way, joining the miscarriage club changes you in a lot of ways.
The thought of being pregnant again doesn't fill me with the panic it did last week or the week before. I'm not convinced it (MC) will happen again like I was and I know that if it does happen again it will be horrible, but I will survive. I know we will have another healthy baby in our family (hopefully another 2 or 3).
1 month seems so strange to me - in some ways it feels like the positive test was so so long ago and sometimes it feel like it can't have possibly been a month already.
Jodi xo
