Late

Hello world,

So this week brings with it a late period! So confused! Does that mean that the ovulation results weren't even high enough for an ovulation??? But they were higher this month than last month and I got my period then so why is it now 2 days late?...

If my period decides to take a month off again (or a couple of months off!) then there is nothing that can be done until it decides to return. Just wait. I hate this feeling of hopelessness; just waiting for my body to do what its supposed to! At least if my period arrived like it was supposed to I could be popping those 3 little white pills, raging like a crazy person at my husband, laying awake at all hours of the night then needing to sleep all day due to the skull shattering headaches ; doing something! Not just waiting!

I've still got lots of side affects anyway! Feel sick, breasts sore, PMS on crack, exhausted and headachey and I can't decide if they are the oncoming period or the hang around from last months 10 little pills.

Of course my brain occasionally skims past the idea of a BFP, maybe this month is our miracle month but then I think 'Day 21 results measure progesterone, low progesterone can be a cause of miscarriage... Do I even want a BFP if it will end up in a miscarriage????"

Counting the days, trying not to get my hopes up, just hoping for my period for a change!

jodi x

More dud ovulation results :-(

Hello world,

Feeling a bit sad today, my results were again 'a positive ovulation but not as high as they should to be'. Excuse me, I'm just gonna have a moment;
"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So what does this mean? I need to up my dosage to 3 pills and fingers crossed we get a level the Dr likes and I'm still married by the end of month 3.

I think the worst thing about chlomid is when the side affects make me a horrible mumma. Just the other night I snapped at Pie in a way that I have snapped before (I didn't touch hurt, just yelled at hr with such anger that I didn't recognise myself!). She burst into tears and started crying for her Daddy. I felt like the worst mumma in the world and joined in with the crying, sobbing how sorry I was and how much I love her BUT sorry doesn't take it back. Sorry doesn't erase it from her little heart and it doesn't make her forget how scared she was of me in that moment. Is this even worth it??? To make matters worse the symptoms haven't even gone away fully this time; my boobs are sooo sore, I'm crazy hormonal, so tired and just feel like absolute crap! I wish I were stronger than the chlomid coaster but right now I feel like its beaten me down.

jodi x

Month 2 - 2 times the trouble!

Hello world,

Good news, my OB checked my results in time to up my dosage, bad news my 5 little white pills went to 10 little white pills. I don't know if the side affects were worse, the headache was perhaps more persistent and the angry/teary balance was like one of those birds dipping its head in the angry cup and coming up for a breath of fresh teary air repeatedly. But at least this time I knew what to expect. I'm scared tho as I've been visiting Dr Google and my day 21 blood results were really low :-( Wonder if we will ever make this baby.

jodi x

Dud ovulation results

Hello world,

So the chlomid coaster of month 1 resulted in pretty much SFA. AND my OB is away so if he doesn't check in with the office and decide to increase my dosage in the next 5days, I'll be on cycle 2 with all its shitty side affects that lead to a crappy ovulation that won't make a baby anyway... Sigh...

Jodi x

Why chlomid sucks!

Hello world,

Well my husband has great sperm. Yay! Except that means the problem is me! Woot! And that problem is PCOS. Now, I was told this was my problem way back when I was 16 and I'd been on a special pill for most of my adult life. BUT I got pregnant straight up with Piper and straight up with the miscarriage so although it was a problem, I assumed it wasn't really a problem for me. Sure it makes me pile weight on easily and grow crappy facial hair and get pimpley but it didn't affect my fertility... Until now. And because it does not, its super drug time (Sarcasm on the 'super drug' but if it works I probably won't remember how shitful it is.. probably).

So why does chlomid suck? After all its just 5 little pills, how bad can it be???

Let me outline just a few little things that you won't know about chlomid unless you've taken a ride on the chlomid coaster. My specialist told me "The side affects are minimal, just normal PMS symptoms really." (thank you doctor with penis who has never had PMS or Chlomid, that advice was super helpful!)... Anyway Chlomid sucks because:

• From 2hrs after I took the first of those little tablets I had a headache, and this headache lasted for WEEKS (and when u have a 4week cycle it doesnt give u much of a break between cycle 1 headache and cycle 2 headache!)! I wake up and before my eyes even opened, I have a headache! A constant, dull, aching headache that panadeine barely takes the edge off. I have never taken so much panadeine in my life and honeslty, I might as well have been taking tic-tacs for all the help it was!).
  
• Chlomid kills any desire you have for sex (which, after trying for a few months, isn't a whole lot of desire anyway!) which makes baby making a bit more challenging.
  
• But chlomid does give you a new and massive desire to kill your husband (not helpful when u need his best swimmers to try and catch one of your chemically induced ovulators!).
  
• Bring on the crying, and lots of it, about anything and everything; 'a drop of rain just landed on my windscreen and now I feel like the whole fucking world is against me!!!!!" cry cry cry etc.
  
• Also the screaming, ranting and general tantruming; for example my husband just breathed and I heard him so now I'm going to scream at him like I just caught him in bed with another woman while he stares at me like a bewildered bunny rabbit, trapped in the headlights of an oncoming SUV.
  
• Chlomid taken at night makes sleep almost impossible! But I'm scared to take it in the morning and be hit with the full assault of all the side affects during the day with my beautiful daughter stuck dealing with me!
  
• Chlomid makes me so horrible that even my poor little girl gets snapped at and then I feel like the worlds worst mother and wonder if I should even be given another child to care for and love!
  
• Thanks to chlomid, I now have more hot flushes then my poor menopausal Mum and ppl think these are the normal hormonal hot flushes u get from time to time anyway but no - these are like suddenly finding urself in the pits of hells inferno!

 Honestly the list is massive, I might add to it as I go!

jodi x