Late

Hello world,

So this week brings with it a late period! So confused! Does that mean that the ovulation results weren't even high enough for an ovulation??? But they were higher this month than last month and I got my period then so why is it now 2 days late?...

If my period decides to take a month off again (or a couple of months off!) then there is nothing that can be done until it decides to return. Just wait. I hate this feeling of hopelessness; just waiting for my body to do what its supposed to! At least if my period arrived like it was supposed to I could be popping those 3 little white pills, raging like a crazy person at my husband, laying awake at all hours of the night then needing to sleep all day due to the skull shattering headaches ; doing something! Not just waiting!

I've still got lots of side affects anyway! Feel sick, breasts sore, PMS on crack, exhausted and headachey and I can't decide if they are the oncoming period or the hang around from last months 10 little pills.

Of course my brain occasionally skims past the idea of a BFP, maybe this month is our miracle month but then I think 'Day 21 results measure progesterone, low progesterone can be a cause of miscarriage... Do I even want a BFP if it will end up in a miscarriage????"

Counting the days, trying not to get my hopes up, just hoping for my period for a change!

jodi x

More dud ovulation results :-(

Hello world,

Feeling a bit sad today, my results were again 'a positive ovulation but not as high as they should to be'. Excuse me, I'm just gonna have a moment;
"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So what does this mean? I need to up my dosage to 3 pills and fingers crossed we get a level the Dr likes and I'm still married by the end of month 3.

I think the worst thing about chlomid is when the side affects make me a horrible mumma. Just the other night I snapped at Pie in a way that I have snapped before (I didn't touch hurt, just yelled at hr with such anger that I didn't recognise myself!). She burst into tears and started crying for her Daddy. I felt like the worst mumma in the world and joined in with the crying, sobbing how sorry I was and how much I love her BUT sorry doesn't take it back. Sorry doesn't erase it from her little heart and it doesn't make her forget how scared she was of me in that moment. Is this even worth it??? To make matters worse the symptoms haven't even gone away fully this time; my boobs are sooo sore, I'm crazy hormonal, so tired and just feel like absolute crap! I wish I were stronger than the chlomid coaster but right now I feel like its beaten me down.

jodi x

Month 2 - 2 times the trouble!

Hello world,

Good news, my OB checked my results in time to up my dosage, bad news my 5 little white pills went to 10 little white pills. I don't know if the side affects were worse, the headache was perhaps more persistent and the angry/teary balance was like one of those birds dipping its head in the angry cup and coming up for a breath of fresh teary air repeatedly. But at least this time I knew what to expect. I'm scared tho as I've been visiting Dr Google and my day 21 blood results were really low :-( Wonder if we will ever make this baby.

jodi x